Teacher Screecher Read online

  Teacher Screecher

  Written by Peter Bently

  Illustrated by Chris Harrison

  Albert Whitman & Company

  Chicago, Illinois

  For Theo and Tara

  P.B.

  For my Mum

  C.H.

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Bat Flu

  Chapter 2

  Miss Fitt

  Chapter 3

  Number Nightmare

  Chapter 4

  Monster Mystery

  Chapter 5

  The Attic

  Chapter 6

  The Monster Megacharger

  Chapter 7

  After the Storm

  Chapter 1

  Bat Flu

  One evening, Lee Price’s mom walked into his bedroom and stopped. The bedroom looked empty.

  “Hurry up, you three—wherever you are,” said Mrs. Price. “It’s twenty to nine. You’ll be late for school!”

  “We’re in here,” said Lee’s voice from the wardrobe. “We’ve all turned into bats. Hang on.”

  Lee fluttered out of the wardrobe followed by his best friends, Bella Williams and Billy Pratt.

  “We were doing some skulking practice,” said Lee.

  Lee, Bella, and Billy went to St. Orlok’s Primary School for young vampires. Their teacher, Miss Gargoyle, taught them important vampire skills, like cloak swishing and scary staring and how to change into bats.

  “Right,” said Mrs. Price. “Now off to school. Dad’s asleep in bed with bat flu so it’ll be quieter if you leave through the window.”

  Mrs. Price opened the bedroom window and Lee, Billy, and Bella flew out into the night. Ten minutes later, they flapped through the school gates and changed back into vampire form.

  A strange black van was parked nearby. On the side of the van it said:

  Frances and Kenneth

  Styne & Company

  The driver was helping Mr. Eric Gore, the school’s zombie caretaker, lug an enormous crate out of the van. The crate was nearly ten feet long.

  “Frances and Kenneth Styne,” said Lee. “I think that’s a shop in town. I wonder what’s in the crate?”

  Mr. Gore looked at them gloomily.

  “Vouldn’t you like to know, eh?” he droned. “Nosy little vampire brats!”

  “Er—good morning, Mr. Gore,” said Lee as politely as he could.

  “Ye-e-e-s!” groaned Mr. Gore, patting the crate. “Oh yes. A very good mornink indeed!”

  He opened his mouth and made a weird noise like someone coughing, gargling, and throwing up all at the same time.

  “Hrurgh! Hrurgh! Hrurgh!”

  “Good grief,” whispered Lee. “Old Gore’s actually laughing!”

  “Wow!” said Billy. “Do you think he’s sick? There’s a lot of bat flu about.”

  “Don’t be silly,” said Bella. “Only vampires get bat flu. And bats, of course.”

  “So why is he so cheerful?” said Billy. “Old Gore doesn’t do cheerful.”

  “I bet it’s something to do with that crate,” said Lee. “Maybe it’s a new floor polisher. He’s always moaning about the old one.”

  Lee was right. It was something to do with the crate. But it wasn’t a new floor polisher. Inside the crate was something much, much worse.

  Chapter 2

  Miss Fitt

  Lee, Bella, and Billy entered their classroom to see Mrs. Garlick, the school principal.

  “Settle down, please, Miss Gargoyle’s class!” said Mrs. Garlick. “I am afraid Miss Gargoyle has a nasty case of bat flu. She will be off school for at least two weeks.”

  “Oh, poor Miss Gargoyle!” said Bella.

  “While Miss Gargoyle is away, you will have a substitute teacher,” said Mrs Batty. “She has also worked at Chaney Street Elementary School and Mr. Savage, the principal, tells me that she is very nice.” Chaney Street was the werewolf elementary school down the road. “In fact, she should be here any min—”

  She was interrupted by a noise in the corridor.

  STOMP!

  STOMP!

  STOMP!

  STOMP!

  “Yikes!” said Lee, as the whole classroom shook. “What on earth is that?”

  STOMP!

  STOMP!

  STOMP!

  The heavy stomping sound was getting louder and louder. And closer and closer.

  STOMP!

  STOMP!

  STOMP!

  Tables wobbled and windows rattled. Pencils and crayons jumped out of pots.

  Mrs. Garlick’s glasses fell off her nose. The Monster Munches that Big Herb was secretly eating bounced out of the packet and onto the floor.

  STOMP!

  STOMP!

  STOMP!

  The noise stopped. Everyone held their breath. Then—

  CRUNCH!

  SPLINTER!

  CRACK!

  The classroom door was torn off its hinges. It toppled to the ground with a

  KER-RASH!

  But the young vampires weren’t looking at the door.

  They were looking at what was standing in the doorway.

  It was ten feet tall and five feet wide. It was dressed completely in black and clutched a little pink handbag. Two stiff braids stuck out horizontally from its head. And two steel bolts stuck out horizontally from its neck.

  Attached to one of the bolts was a label that said:

  PROPERTY OF

  F. AND K. STYNE & CO.

  It was a monster. The children gasped.

  “Now we know what was in that crate!” whispered Lee.

  “SILENCE!” roared the monster.

  Mrs. Garlick smiled nervously.

  “Ah, children,” she said. “Erm—allow me to introduce Miss Fitt. Your new teacher.”

  Chapter 3

  Number Nightmare

  As Mrs. Garlick slipped hastily out of the room, Miss Fitt lurched to the front of the classroom like a walking earthquake. She turned and slowly stared around the class.

  “SILENCE!” she bellowed, even though it was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. “There will be no noise in my class! Now get out your math books!”

  A flutter of grumbles went around the room.

  “SILENCE!” hollered Miss Fitt.

  Bella put her hand up.

  “Please, miss,” she said. “We have vampire history now, not math. We don’t have math till after break.”

  “SILENCE!” screeched Miss Fitt. “If I say we have math, we have math! What is your name, girl?”

  “B-Bella Williams, miss.”

  “What is thirty-seven times thirty-seven? You have five seconds!” demanded Miss Fitt.

  Bella was really good at math and was about to give the answer when Miss Fitt snapped, “Time’s up! Hah! As I thought! Vampires know nothing! You will all stay in during break and write out your thirty-seven times table thirty-seven times!”

  “Aw, miss!” groaned the class.

  “SILENCE!” roared Miss Fitt. “Never speak with your mouth open! Vampires should be seen and not heard! And preferably not seen either!”

  Lee, Bella, and Billy swapped glances.

  “No wonder old Gore was so happy!” whispered Lee.

  “SILENCE! Vampires are a lazy bunch of ghoul-for-nothings! Lying around in coffins all day when they could be doing MATH!”

  Grabbing a red marker pen, Miss Fitt stomped up to the big timetable on the classroom wall.

  “I’m not teaching any of this useless vampire nonsense. Vampire history indeed!”

  She drew a thick line through vampire history and wrote MATH instead.

  “And what’s this? Bat lessons?” spat Miss Fitt. “Ridiculous! If vampires were meant to fly they would ha
ve wings already, without any of this changing into bats rubbish!”

  So out went bat lessons and in went—more MATH.

  By the time Miss Fitt had finished, the timetable looked like this:

  Chapter 4

  Monster Mystery

  “I don’t understand,” said Billy. “Mrs. Garlick said Miss Fitt would be nice.”

  “That’s only what the principal at Chaney Street told her,” said Lee.

  “But why would he say it if it wasn’t true?” said Bella. “Mrs. Garlick could have easily found someone else.”

  “I know,” said Lee. “Let’s ask Ollie after school.” Ollie Talbot was Lee’s werewolf friend at Chaney Street.

  “Good idea,” agreed Bella.

  “He always walks home past the school gate. If we leave on time, we can catch him.”

  Unfortunately Bella spoke too soon. During the very last lesson of the night—math instead of PE (prowling exercises)—Billy accidentally squashed Bella’s toe with his chair leg.

  “Ouch!” cried Bella. “Careful, Billy!”

  “SILENCE!” screeched Miss Fitt. “So. Bella Williams. You again, eh? I might have known!”

  “But miss—” Bella tried to explain.

  “SILENCE!”

  “It wasn’t her fault, miss,” said Billy.

  “SILENCE!” cried Miss Fitt. “I can see you’re a pair of regular troublemakers. You will both stay after school and write out ‘The square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides’ two hundred times! Mrs. Garlick will inform your parents of your misbehavior!”

  Bella and Billy looked aghast.

  “But, miss, it was an accident!” cried Lee.

  “SILENCE!” shrieked Miss Fitt. “Since you’re so fond of your delinquent friends, you can join them in detention!”

  Lee, Billy, and Bella came out of detention an hour after school had ended.

  “Oh brother,” said Bella. “It’s starting to rain.”

  “And we missed Ollie,” grumbled Lee.

  “No, we didn’t,” cried Billy suddenly. “There he is!”

  Ollie was just walking past the school. It wasn’t a full moon that night, so he looked just like an ordinary boy, apart from his hairy hands.

  “Of course,” said Lee. “I forgot he had casketball practice tonight.” Casketball was a game a bit like basketball.

  “Hey Ollie!” called Lee.

  Ollie came over.

  “Hi Lee!” he said. “Hi Billy and Bella! What are you doing at school so late?”

  “Detention,” explained Bella. “Miss Gargoyle’s off with bat flu. Until she comes back, we’ve got a horrible new teacher.”

  “We were going to ask you about her,” said Lee. “Her name’s Miss Fitt.”

  “What?” said Ollie. “Miss Fitt gave you detention? As in Miss Fitt of Styne and Company?”

  “That’s her,” said Lee.

  “Wow!” said Ollie, amazed. “We had Miss Fitt for a month when our teacher broke his hind leg. She was brilliant. She gave us tons of sweets and never got angry!”

  This time it was Lee, Bella, and Billy who gasped in amazement.

  “But do you know the best thing about her?” Ollie went on. “We did hardly any math. She said it was boring! How cool is that?” He glanced at his watch. “Yikes! I’ll be late for dinner. See you!”

  As Ollie hurried off, the three vampires just stood there and gawked. Suddenly, the main school doors opened, and out popped the gloomy, greenish face of Mr. Gore.

  He looked at the sky and stuck a grubby hand into the rain, which was falling more heavily now.

  “It is startink!” he muttered to himself. “Good! Hrurgh! Hrurgh!” Then he spotted Lee, Bella, and Billy. “Hey! Vot are you doing, you nosy vampire kids? School is closed! Clear off!”

  Mr. Gore slammed the door, and the three vampires heard the loud sliding of bolts and the rattling of keys in the lock.

  “Come on,” said Lee. “I’ve had enough of school for one night.”

  “Me too,” said Bella. With a POP! POP! POP! they all turned into bats.

  They were about to head for home when they heard a horribly familiar noise. It was coming from somewhere behind the school doors:

  STOMP! STOMP!

  STOMP! STOMP!

  “Yikes, it’s her!” squeaked Billy. “I’m off!”

  “Hang on,” said Lee. “Didn’t old Gore just lock up?”

  “Yes,” said Billy. “Why?”

  “Think about it,” said Lee. “If the school is locked for the night, why is Miss Fitt still in the building?”

  Chapter 5

  The Attic

  Lee, Billy, and Bella flew up to the school doors and listened.

  “It sounds like she’s going upstairs,” said Lee. “Come on!”

  They reached the first floor windows just as Miss Fitt lumbered onto the landing. But she didn’t stop there. Trailed by the three vampire bats, she climbed the stairs all the way to the top floor. There were no classrooms on this floor, only storerooms. It was a part of St. Orlok’s the young vampires had never been to.

  “Now what?” said Lee as they skulked under the gutter and out of sight. “There’s nowhere else for her to go.”

  “Not quite,” said Billy. “Look!”

  Slowly, Miss Fitt crossed the landing. In one dark and dingy corner was a grimy door. She grabbed the handle and turned it. As the door opened, Lee, Bella, and Billy could clearly read the words on it:

  MR E. GORE

  CARETAKER

  VAMPIRES KEEP OUT!

  “So that’s where old Gore hangs out!” exclaimed Lee. “The attic!”

  “But why is she going up there?” cried Bella.

  Bella almost had to shout to be heard above the rain. There was a rumble of thunder and a gust of wind, and then a voice behind them suddenly said—“BOO!”

  The vampire bats shrieked and nearly jumped out of their fur. They turned to see Lee’s friend Boris, a real bat who lived in the school clock tower.

  “Boris!” yelled Lee. “Don’t do that!”

  “Sorry!” chuckled Boris. “I didn’t realize vampires were scared of bats! Tee-hee!”

  As he spoke, Miss Fitt lurched through the attic door and slammed it behind her. They heard her stomping up the stairs.

  “Hey,” said Boris. “Who was that monster?”

  “It’s Miss Fitt,” said Billy. “She’s our teacher while Miss Gargoyle is ill.”

  “Bad luck!” said Boris. “What’s she doing in old Gore’s attic?”

  “We’d love to find out,” said Lee.

  “No problemo!” said Boris. “We can use the hole.”

  “Hole? What hole?” asked Lee.

  “I’ll show you,” said Boris. “Come on!”

  Lee, Bella, and Billy followed Boris out into the driving rain and howling wind. They landed on the roof by a gap where a tile was missing.

  “That’s weird,” said Lee. “I’ve never noticed that hole before.”

  “It wasn’t there until today,” said Boris. “Old Gore took the tile out at lunchtime. I saw him do it.”

  “Why would he do that?” said Lee.

  The wind suddenly died down and the four bats heard voices below.

  “Ah, Miss Fitt, Miss Fitt! Velcome, velcome!” groaned Gore. “You are looking most elegant zis eefnink!”

  “SILENCE, fool!” groaned Miss Fitt. “Hurry! Can’t go on … much longer … Almost … run … out.”

  “Do not worry, Miss Fitt, do not worry! Everysink is almost ready! Come over here, and I’ll just …”

  FLASH!

  BOOM!

  A great thunderclap made all the bats jump and drowned out the rest of Mr. Gore’s words.

  “What does he mean?” cried Lee as the wind picked up again. “What has Miss Fitt almost run out of? And what is almost ready?”

  “Why don’t we take a look?” said Boris.

  “No way!” said Billy. “Old Gore�
��s bound to see us!” There was another flash of lightning, and this time the thunder was so loud that the tiles rattled.

  “Let’s get inside,” said Lee. “It’s better than being out in this storm!”

  He peeped over the edge of the hole. “All clear,” he said. “Come on!”

  One by one they slipped through the hole—and down into old Gore’s attic.

  Chapter 6

  The Monster Megacharger

  The four bats dangled in the rafters just under the hole. Gore had his back to them. He appeared to be strapping Miss Fitt to a long black bench surrounded by electrical wires and tubes. These all led to a gigantic machine covered with knobs and switches and dials and lights. A flash of lightning revealed the words on the machine:

  MONSTER

  MEGACHARGER

  PROPERTY OF

  F. AND K. STYNE & CO.

  “Wow,” said Boris. “What on earth is that?”

  “Well, it isn’t a floor polisher, that’s for certain,” said Lee.

  “I don’t like the look of it,” said Bella.

  “I think it’s a charging machine,” said Billy. “I read about them in Junior Science Freakly. They’re for recharging monsters when their power runs out. A bit like a battery charger.”

  “That’s it!” said Bella. “When Miss Fitt said she was ‘nearly running out,’ she meant she was nearly running out of power. Old Gore’s going to recharge her!”

  “Come on,” said Lee. “Let’s go closer while his back is turned.”

  The bats zipped across the attic to the cobwebby shadows just above the machine. And not a moment too soon.